No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
