Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
