How'd it feel making her break her religion?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
