please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
