So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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