I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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