Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
