my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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