Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
