filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
