hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
