I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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