you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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