I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
