I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
