well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
