Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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