I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
