im having a threesome with these popsicles
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
