I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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