when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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