I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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