The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
