ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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