guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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