She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
