im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
