I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
