I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
