32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
