I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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