at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
