My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
