I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
