oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
