So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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