eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
