Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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