I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
