we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize