Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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