Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
