living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize