I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
