Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
