Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
