I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
