Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
