I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
