You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
