I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
