Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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