I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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