How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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