I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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