Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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