I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
