Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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