That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
