That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
