I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
