at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
