So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
