Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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