Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
