You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
