So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
