I hope mine doesn't look like that
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize