im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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